The traits that makes your partner likely to cheat on you — Yes, for real

Everybody knows there are no guarantees for eternal fidelity, but it may be a tough pill to swallow that sometimes we are the ones driving our partners into the arms of another. It may seem obvious — not everyone is a #perfectmatch, but there’s actually more to it: Just as there are traits associated with cheating, there are also few traits associated with being cheated on. How to know if you’re in the danger zone? Let’s find out. Here’s what the research says about infidelity — as a function of the cheatee’s characteristics.

Everyone who has ever had a serious relationship knows how time-consuming it can be. And yet, no matter how much you invest in your mutual bond, there are no guarantees. Neither that it will last nor that your partner won’t cheat on you. The only thing you can do to “affair-proof” your relationship remains aware of the risk factors and adapt accordingly. For, let’s face it, it’s always better to know than don’t, right?

Research on affairs is multifaceted and diverse, with an overarching focus on the characteristics of cheaters. An affair clearly doesn’t take place in a vacuum but is the outcome of a dyadic interplay within the relationship. Still, you might be surprised to learn that some characteristics of the ‘victim’ can be even more important than those of the perpetrator. And believe it or not, it may even hold true after controlling for other significant factors as relationship satisfaction. Are some of us meant to be cheated on?

What are we dealing with here? Research on the traits of a typical cheatee has largely been based on the so-called Big-5 model of personality traits: Openness to new experiences, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness and Neuroticism. Depending on your scores on these scales, you can get an idea of whether you’re likely to be with a two-timer or not. The model is scientifically validated and well used both in and outside academia, making good ground for understanding a partner’s willingness to cheat. The results? Not quite what you would expect.

If you’re likely to forgive them — They’re more likely to cheat on you

• Openness: Are you open-minded? Good.People with an open-minded partner, especially men, are significantly less likely to cheat. A suggestive explanation is that openness is related to willingness to experiment in bed, which could explain higher sexual satisfaction and thus less risk of infidelity.
• Conscientiousness: Are you well organized? Careful and diligent? Great! Those with a partner who scores high on conscientiousness, are also less likely to cheat. Why? I guess having it nice and clean around you makes you less susceptible to fall for temptations.
• Extraversion: Many studies have linked extraversion to a higher propensity to cheat among women, but is the opposite also true? Surprisingly enough, yes. An extrovert wife is not only more likely to cheat, but so is her husband. A possible explanation is could be related to a certain self-selection bias; extravert people tend to have extravert partners who tend to cheat more than others.
• Agreeableness: You would probably expect being nice and accommodating to make your partner less likely to wander off? Au contraire, my friend. Having an agreeable partner actually makes someone more prone to cheating, simply because they’re more likely to be forgiven.
• Neuroticism: Do you often feel emotionally distressed? Tend to worry a lot? Sorry to say, but it’s one of the strong predictors of experiencing infidelity in a relationship. Unfortunately, it also holds true after controlling for marital satisfaction — which neuroticism is also negatively correlated with. “No, no, knowing that your partner might betray you doesn’t make anyone the slightest neurotic at all. Not at all.”

Aside from the Big Five personality traits, there’ve been quite a few studies done on the dark triad and their leaning towards cheating. Not only with regards to affairs, but to play outside the rules in general. Needless to say, they’re going to cheat you blind. No questions asked, no quarter given — they will stray without a flinch. But how does having a partner with a dark personality impact someone’s desire for a little side action? The results are inconclusive, but two things can be said with some certainty:

• It’s a two-way street: Those with dark traits are attracted to other with similar traits, especially Machiavellians tend to go hand-in-hand. Which in turn suggests that they’re more likely to be cheated on. Birds of a feather flock together?
• Husbands whose wives have narcissistic traits are more likely to cheat, but it’s unclear whether this is due to the narcissistic traits specifically or to lower marital satisfaction caused by these traits.. “Yes honey, you look amazing! Don’t mind me, I am just gonna go for a little drive…”

Aside from these two branches of research, there’s little evidence for cheating being a direct result of the cheatee’s personality. *Puh*.

Final Comments

Perhaps you recognize any of these traits in your partner, or even in yourself? No need to worry, because the likelihood of infidelity depends on a lot of other factors. Even more so, it’s important to recognize that an affair has moved from being the outcome of discontent in the relationship to become a question of structural factors — which none can really do anything about. We’re all bound to cheat or break up, that’s just how it is.

At Sans Apercu, we offer bespoke coaching for those intricate moments in life, from planning a secret liaison to tactfully handling situations that ‘never happened’ — and making sure your partner is none the wiser. Our diverse and multicultural team is here to support you, embracing individuals of all genders, sexual orientations, and cultural backgrounds. Connect with us for a relaxed chat on enhancing your relationship at www.sansapercu.com or through our social media channels.